You are that light! How often I forget that there is a light? Perhaps, I put it out myself with my mind that insists on reminding me of all that needs to be done during each day. A mother first of three children there is never a shortage of laundry, dishes, or an array of cleaning jobs to be done and that is the short list.
There are more days than not when I wonder if I dreamed the whole thing up and try to convince myself that there never was a light and even if there was it has since gone out. So this blog is intended to be about light. As much as I'd like to deny it on some days, the truth is I once saw it and felt it for a short two week period over two years ago.
It was incredible to say the least. If you can imagine going even a day without a care in the world, then you can imagine what it was like. I don't mean being unaware of all that is going on in your world but being in a place that took you beyond that. A place where you could look at the good and the bad without judgment. Strangely, all of a sudden, everything made sense and fear was no more.
For two entire weeks, I went without feeling even one bad emotion and not one worry. Finally, I was alive like I'd never been. Every moment felt good no matter what I was doing or what was happening around me. The past seemed to be totally and completely erased. It had simply just disappeared taking past mistakes and regrets with it. The future wasn't there either. Not a minute arrived before it's time. If you have ever worried about how you were going to pay the bills next week or next month, this is the place to be.
Only because of my extensive reading am I able to say this but I think for those incredibly brief two weeks, the veil of illusion was lifted. I had for the first time attended a silent meditation group that night based on the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. It was a small group of only 9 or 10 people sitting in someone's living room and I had arrived alone not knowing what to expect. It started out being instructed to just "be" in silence and so we all just sat there, I sat there. Some people had their eyes closed and some didn't, so I just sank back in my chair (it was a nice cushy arm chair) and just went with it. Sometimes I closed my eyes, then opened them. So we just sat for what seemed awhile and then the facilitator said we would go around the room and briefly state our name and how we came to be there. So that happened and when we were all done, we were told that we would be led in a meditation and when that was over we should stay in silence until we felt like it was time to leave and then each person would leave in silence.
Looking back, I don't see that I really had much of a hand in making it happen especially since one would have to have experienced it before to even know that it could happen. I did however notice a change upon immediately arriving home and into a family conflict. A reoccurring situation which always sent me through the roof had absolutely no effect on my mood or state of mind at all. In fact, my state of mind itself seemed to have shifted dramatically in the less than 3 hours I had been gone. Something had been seriously rearranged. I was still me but now I was only me.
Well, that is the beginning of my story but perhaps the real beginning will be finding my way back to that place and perhaps taking a soul or two with me this time.
